Good morning everyone! Let’s give a warm welcome to Brian Fourman. Brian used to be a personal finance and Bible teacher at a private school, but now he’s a stay-at-home dad and a blogger. He enjoys rental real estate, running, cooking, and sports. When he has free time, he loves spending it with his four kids and hearing his wife share stories about her work as a CPA.
If anyone is interested in guest posting on RFI, let me know.
So, you want to be a stay-at-home dad? That’s awesome! I recently made that transition myself after many years of planning. Trust me, it’s a big decision and not one to take lightly.
My wife and I had a few things we needed to sort out before making this leap. First, my wife needed to be genuinely excited about working outside the home without any pressure from me. Surprisingly, she was even more eager for this change than I was.
Secondly, we had to think about the financial side of things. Going down to a single income wasn’t going to be easy. We focused hard on making our budget work without the extra income and understood that we’d have to cut back on spending, especially for non-essentials.
We realized we needed to be financially independent for this to work smoothly. We identified seven key hurdles to overcome before I could make this switch, and luckily, we started working on some of them years ago before the idea of me staying home even came up.
The first hurdle was probably the toughest.
### HURDLE 1: ACCEPTING SHE MAKES MORE THAN ME
This one is mostly a mental challenge. Both partners need to be on the same page. Generally, men tie their identity and satisfaction closely to their jobs. While women also share a strong work ethic, men often live to work. As a stay-at-home dad, you’ll have to be comfortable with your wife being the primary breadwinner. This can feel emasculating, especially in front of other men. They might snicker and ask, “You do what?”
Can you handle their teasing? Can you accept this decision wholeheartedly and even enjoy it? If not, you might end up feeling resentful and unfulfilled, which can harm your marriage.
### HURDLE 2: SECURING A REPLACEMENT INCOME
How will you make up for the lost income from your job? Ideally, your wife will need to fill this gap. For us, it took five years of planning. During this time, my wife transitioned from being a high school math teacher to a Certified Public Accountant (CPA). We knew that her previous salary wouldn’t be enough, especially with four kids. Her new career as a CPA not only boosted our income but also promised future raises. Now her salary matches what we used to make together, covering all our expenses and allowing us to save.
### HURDLE 3: CONTINUING TO FUND RETIREMENT
Besides covering our expenses, my wife’s income needed to be enough to keep funding our retirement. Skipping this step would set us up for financial trouble later in life.
### HURDLE 4: REDUCING OR ELIMINATING DEBT
After income, dealing with debt is the next big financial issue. If you have significant debt, it’s better for both spouses to keep working until it’s paid off. We took five years to transition into my stay-at-home role, partly because we wanted to pay off our mortgage first. That way, we had no debt when we dropped down to one income.
### HURDLE 5: BUILDING A NEST EGG
I’m 41 and my wife is 39. We’ve been working since we graduated from college. Over the years, we built up 3-6 months’ worth of expenses in an emergency fund. This is essential if you want to be a stay-at-home dad. We also contributed to our retirement and invested in mutual funds, all while keeping our spending in check. This created a safety net for us in case of hard times.
You might wonder, “How much should we save?” It depends on your lifestyle and your wife’s job stability. Personally, I’d want enough to cover 2-4 years without income, just in case.
### HURDLE 6: FINDING A PASSIVE OR SIDE INCOME
Even though being a stay-at-home dad is a full-time job, you might have some free time. Using this time to bring in extra income can help. We got into rental real estate, and I started monetizing my blog. There are plenty of ways to earn side income. Find something that suits you to relieve some financial pressure and give you a sense of contribution.
### HURDLE 7: AVOIDING LIFESTYLE INFLATION
If you struggle with controlling spending, have upcoming large expenses, or have other financial challenges like medical bills, proceed with caution. These costs may be hard to manage on one income.
### CONCLUSION
Could you become a stay-at-home dad without meeting all these conditions? Maybe, but the more of these you can check off, the better your chance of success.
Good luck! It’s a big decision, and if you need advice, feel free to reach out through my contact info.
What other hurdles do you think there are to being a stay-at-home dad? Do you think the issue of “she makes more than me” is still a big deal? Stay-at-home dads, what has your experience been like?
